Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday

Locked


It's 22:46 and I am alone in home
everybody is out, my sister and boyfriend are out to the city and my parents are celebrating Queensday, so now I'm alone, it's so quiet, no sound of cars or people outside, no sound of people in the house, just nothing, not even a slight breeze of air through the leafs of the trees in front of the house
I'm thinking in the times we were talking at this time of day, asking about each others day and asking how each others dinners were and asking what we were going to do the next day
I'm locked in the house, my heart is locked again and the key is thrown away into the the sea of my tears, my heart belongs to nobody anymore
all alone in a big house, with all the lights turned down you I always get the feeling like someone else is in the house too that wants to hurt me like a burglar but I like the pain it gives because it's less than what I feel in my heart daily, the pain of being alone again, the pain of reality
I sleep very bad the last weeks, mainly because of the thinking in death and how your future will look, I wish you the very best but just don't have the best anymore but is cocky of me to say, sorry
I'm locked in my cage, my heart and my mind, it's very hard for me, hell it's even more difficult than being sick
If it is my destiny to be alone, than it is the way it is, it is inevitable
so to all people that read this, don't end up like me: smile, spread happiness and give love to all people that are close to you

M

Igniting Passions...of interest!

Hi

I am yet again participating in a meme, (by the same heading as this blog post). Memes are my favourite hobby of late, although  I have had to reduce the amount I do due to returning to work.

This one is being hosted over at Multiple Mummy.  But it was seeing Mummy and the Beastie's post that made me think of joining in.

So....... I don't have a lot of personal interests since having a baby but what WERE my interests????

  1. I was so passionate about Kundalini Yoga that I became a qualified Teacher.  It was a large part of my life, either attending or teaching classes, and attending retreats or workshops.  At one point I even dabbled with having a Kundalini blog.  As you can see it didn't get very far.  I taught for six long years and even right up until 36 weeks pregnant - my students didn't mind my bump, and showered the "inside" Aaron with love and affection with all their motherly enquiries each week - he had so many Aunties :-)  I felt so secure and safe in my Kundalini World.  Maybe that's partly what I am missing out on now.  During the 8 days that Aaron went overdue I did one class in my sitting room with a DVD - I was hardcore - I did the whole "set" without having to make an adjustment, but THAT was the last time I did yoga.  Haven't done a thing since he entered this world.  Yesterday and today I am very down, either snapping or crying at the drop of a hat, and I KNOW that if yoga was still part of my life I would not be acting like that - I have to find (or make) room for it.  Either that or I will soon have a divorce on my hands because things CAN'T continue as they are (long story!)
  2. I wrote these next 2 bullet points earlier before I went out but they did not save successfully.  What I had said was, that I don't have a deep interest like pottery, or cross-stitch or baking etc.... but as I was writing it, I remembered I used to be fantastic at art.  I did quite a few watercolours whilst at Uni and a few pastels (or whatever you call them).... haven't done any art in YEARS.... Got an A in Art at GCSE..... where I would fit the time in for that now I don't know, but when Aaron is old enough to draw I can draw with him and he'll be well impressed :-)  I used to draw with my cousin (who now lives in Australia) - she's now in her 20s and STILL has those drawings as they meant so much to her - I keep meaning to give her this blog address :-)
  3. Work was one of my passions, which has been reignited considering I went back after maternity leave 4 weeks ago.  I may not be doing long hours now that I am a Mum and leaving at 5 p.m. for the first time in my career but I am still giving it my all and feeling incredibly productive.
  4. I do have a passion for the soaps and Aaron hasn't got in the way of  this.  He quite often breastfeeds on my knee whilst I watch Eastenders and Coronation Street.
  5. I passionately love my sleep and having a baby hasn't effected that too much because Aaron and I usually get up anything between 8:30 and 9:30 although since the bright mornings we do occasionally get up at 7:30.  It does come at a LARGE cost though as he doesn't go to bed till about 9:45 p.m. and since going back to work I nod off with him, which means I never get an evening to myself.  I didn't before returning to work either as he sometimes used to go to bed even later.  The times when he's gone to bed early and I have had 1-2 hours on my own in the evening have been few and far between.  Because we usually get up together too, I don't have a moment to myself - no wonder I have been irritable yesterday and today.  Anyone reading this will wonder how I can sleep as much as a baby - it's because most nights he comes in with us for half the night and I spend that breastfeeding on and off, so I seem to sleep longer to make up for the broken sleep.  Yes Aaron has had nights he has spent the whole night in his cot (and in the past I have blogged about them) but there hasn't been nearly enough of them.
  6. I keep rambling - back to interests...... errrmmmm - I have a huge interest in all things spiritual which anyone would be able to tell immediately if they took a look at my bookshelves.  It doesn't come across enough in this blog, which probably means it isn't enough a part of my life.... After all if it was, I would be making time for my yoga or at the very least, a meditation once a day, which would even help with my limited milk production.
  7. I only have blogging for a hobby now, and in between this blog and my yoga blog, my longest surviving blog so far was actually Liska Life.
  8. I am finding it hard to finish this without trying to think of some more..... feeling a bit shallow and inadequate now..... hhhhhmmmmmm - I have a huge interest in budhism, but am yet to do anything about it - it was partly ignited by a 16 day trip to Japan in 2004.
  9.  
    Okay I think I will leave it there for now.  
    Liska xx

      When You're Feeling Down

      when you're feeling down and nothing makes you happy just listen to this song:

      When you're smilin'
      When you're smilin'
      The whole world smiles with you.
      And when you're laughin'
      When you're laughin'
      The sun comes shinin' through.
      When you're cryin',
      You bring on the rain,
      So, stop you're sighin',
      Won't you be happy again!
      When you're smiling,
      Keep on smilin'
      And the whole world smiles with you :)

      Al Hibbler - Count Every Star

      Count every star in the midnight sky
      Count every rose, every firefly
      For that's how many times I miss you
      Heaven knows I miss you


      Count every leaf on a willow tree
      Count every wave on a stormy sea
      Count every star and darling when you do
      You'll know the times I have cried for you


      Count every leaf on a willow tree
      Count every wave on a stormy sea
      Count every star and darling when you do
      You'll know the times I have cried for you

      Aaron - standing on my own 2 feet

      Aaron uses EVERY opportunity to stand up now.  He's always been weight bearing on our knees, standing holding our shoulders, but now...

      He stands in front of the TV, he stands holding the coffee table, he climbs up the washing machine, he climbs up my legs and he always stands in the cot.

      It's really hard work

      Yes, look bashful, I am getting your standing on camera!



      Pillows behind me because I love falling back!

      I Miss You, but it's too late


      I miss you and I miss all we've been together, I miss all the times we could talk and have fun, smile with little jokes and telling new stories, I miss it all
      I hope you enjoyed every poem, every time I made a joke, every time I said you are the one, my true love or my everything and I hope you felt beautiful every time I said you were
      I have a lot of time to think since I'm alone and I walk a lot outside in the forest and I remember that I am no more the same person, I could not keep the girl of my dreams, because I'm too far away and I need live with the fact that you will never be mine or that I will even see you, I think you don't want to see me in the future when you have a new person in your life, I just hope the time we were together was a wonderful time for you and that you will look out because not everybody is like me, well nobody is like me
      I prefer be sad and die alone than have someone that isn't my true love
      I will get better, doctor said I have the "stress" to survive, but I don't really care, I preferred die happy than be this way
      You will make someone very happy in the future, so it's too late for us and what we had, do with my heart what you please, I will keep your and love it as I did
      I will remember you all my life and when I look in the sky I know you're looking at the same, it is the only way we can be together
      But still it isn't what I wanted :'(

      M

      Release


      In 2 weeks (estimated) will be the presentation of my Love song, the song will be called "Your Love Song by Me" (not a very good title, I know) written and sang by Max
      I will post a recording of the song on my blog a few days later (if I have the opportunity)
      The Mp3 is just for 1 person besides me, because it's made for her
      Don't hesitate to leave a comment after seeing the video, if you think it's good if it sucks or you just think it's sweet, leave a comment and make or break the song

      M

      The World Will Know How Much I Love You



      You are a person where everybody should dream of, a person everybody should want as a sister, colleague, friend or girlfriend
      You bring so much good to me and people around you, you give strength when they need it, you give a pep-up speech to people that don't see good things happen anymore
      You're a friend you can tell everything to, can have fun with and have good moments
      You were a girlfriend I wanted to kiss every time I could, sleep with every night, hold you tight always, make love at the right times, going on travels with you and grow old with you but you just are a girl I loved to love
      You're a person that gave me special feelings like nobody never can do again, that I trusted with all my secrets and me, you are that special someone everyone searches for in their lives
      You're sweet, kind, classy, pretty, beautiful, funny, romantic, crazy, smart, wonderful and you were all mine
      You're a wonderful person to be with night and day, 24/7, 365 days a year, I envy the person that will have you in the future
      Every time I told you something sweet I really meant it and I hope you know it and you know that everybody can say the same things as I did, no believe them as long as you don't feel something in your heart
      I just wanted the world to know how much I love you, I could tell you that if I could change the alphabet I would put U and I together, but I never said those things, I hope I did enough effort for you with writing those poems and I hope you liked them all
      The most beautiful about you is not the fact that I could kiss you if I was able to, but the most beautiful was that you let me love you and that you loved me
      Now the world knows how special you are
      But one thing...
      You are the world to me...

      Now you know how much I loved you

      M

      Royal Wedding Dear So and So

      Dear So and So...


      Photograph by: Ben Stansall, AFP/Getty Images


      Dear BBC,

      I watched you for a while.... to copy everyone on Twitter but I am an ITV girl at heart and love Philip Schofield so I am back where I am comfortable although all that's been on since I turned over is a choir..... Aaron loves choirs but he's sleeping through it.

      TV watcher slumming it in PJs on 2nd cup of coffee

      -------------

      Dear Happy Couple

      You both look gorgeous.  Everytime I think about Di I get tears in my eyes.  Something intimate about the Abbey - like what you done there.  I got married in an Abbey tooooooooo.
      I can't say thanks for the day off as I work Tues Wed Thursday.....

      Happy TV guest x

      -----------------

      Kate,

      Are your boobies that pointy OR are you wearing a corset OR are you a Madonna fan?Just curious.....
      You do look stunning though and I love that you didn't go for a meringue option.

      Liska xxx

      ------------------

      Cambridge

      You must feel very  honoured by your new Duke and Duchess :-)

      Liska

      ------------------

      Sun

      Thank you for shining on their dry weather coach on what was an overcast day - gives us a great view.

      Liska xx

      ------------------

      English Traditions

      A very small Bridesmaid is a Flower Girl.........  Get it right..... Never understood the English ways with this.

      In Ireland, girls and ladies are Bridesmaids and babies and toddlers are Flower Girls..... I like it that way...

      And Kate, why only one "Bridesmaid?"

      Liska x

      ------------------

      Dear Beatrice and Eugenie

      Errrrm were your advisors on holiday or you're auditioning for ~Michael Jackson's Thriller?
      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1381892/Royal-wedding-2011-Princess-Beatrice-Eugenie-fashion-flops-again.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

      Liska x

      You'd Be Surprised texture

      You'd Be Surprised texture: At first glance the texture "Posted On The Bottom" is dark, grungy and down right ugly. Don't let the darkness fool you, it has a wonderful ability to
      bring out and enhance contrast and details in images if used right. Two examples below show the before and after effects by just selecting a supporting layer mode within Photoshop.

      Roll Cursor over image to view rollover effect:


      TeaTime: "Pictured Above" I applied the "You'd Be Surprised texture,then set the "Layer Mode" to "Overlay" and the opacity at at 100%.


      Bubbles: "Pictured Below" I applied the "You'd Be Surprised texture,then set the "Layer Mode" to "Soft Light" and the opacity at at 100%.


      Roll Cursor over image to view rollover effect:



      This is "You'd Be Surprised" the texture used in the examples.

      Download The Texture Here:

      Texture is hosted at Picasa, which can be at times slow or buggy, if any problems just revisit and try again. Just click the Download Link posted above and then at Picasa click download and save.



      A storm in a Tea Cup

      Hi All

      Sponsored post.

      This post is sponsored in the sense that I was sent free tea to review, from Storm Tea, via Fuel My Blog.  Their strap line is "always a storm brewing".

      I was very impressed from the moment it arrived because the tea came with a personalised letter.  This is something I have always expected, but I have been sent a few products to review now and it is only the first time that I have received a letter - it was a very nice and appreciated touch! And I did not take it for granted - clearly!

      And this was far from your average tea.  No dried out tea leaves here!  I was sent the Organic red berry and rose petal tea, which is part of their pyramid range.

      Organic red berry and rose petal tea

      Organic red berry and rose petal tea

      You get 15 'silk' pyramids in a box, beautifully packaged (the box is in the photo above - as you can see the packaging is clear so that you can see the fab product inside that is waiting to create a storm in your cup!).  The box text explains that: the pyramids "allow room for the tea leaves to expand fully, swim around and infuse fully for a 'perfect storm'".  This is what they say about the flavour: "Our super fresh and fruity tea with chunks of strawberry and apple. Squeezed full of vitamins to help keep colds and flush toxins away and rounded off with the delicate edge of rose petals. Naturally caffeine free.  Ingredients: Hibiscus*, apple bits*, rosehips*, strawberry bits* rose petals* natural flavour. *Certified organic by the Soil Association".

      They're not joking about the "bits" and the "chunks" - I broke open a bag and it was full of bits hence the awesome flavour which creates the "storm in a tea cup".
      Now what I was particularly impressed by, is that I always use a tall mug that is the equivalent of 2.  To get my usual herbal teas to taste how it's meant to, I have to use 2 x bags in my tall mug.  Not so with Storm! AND as the flavour was soooooo strong, despite being in a tall mug, I dared to fill it up again, and it still tasted good, but to a normal herbal tea standard and not to the standard that Storm has now lead me to expect.... (the refill was like a diluted version which during the hot weather I could tolerate for hydration rather than taste).

      So effectively it was like having 4 cups from 1 tea bag, with the first 2 cups (my tall mug) tasting superb.

      Now it is rather convenient that 1 bag makes what I normally need 2 bags for, because it is double the price.  My normal tea of choice is about £1.80 for 15 bags and Storm is £3.99 for the flavour I was sent, but considering I need 1 bag instead of 2, they're equal, yet Storm surpasses in flavour and I'd also say outstrips my normal tea in health benefits.

      So yes I am impressed, but as I am not usually a fruity tea person, I enjoyed the 1 bag sample they flung in more, and that was their Pure Organic Peppermint Tea, which is delicious and sells at £3.79.  In the letter they said "please find enclosed a sample box of tea and one or 2 of our single samples to taste - really hope you enjoy them!"  Well Storm, I did, but I enjoyed the 1 bag of Peppermint more than the 15 bags of Red Winter Berry Tea, but that's just my personal taste, and hey, why do you say 1 or 2 and then only send me 1??? 

      Pure organic peppermint tea

      Pure organic peppermint tea

      To see the Storm in action  have a look at this:

       

      Subtle White Texture Set

      SW-banner
      Subtle White Texture Set contains eight large textures, grungy in nature but on the soft side.  These can come in quite handy when wanting to apply some aged character to your art and photos.  Hope they can be of some use.




      Small examples of textures in the set shown below.
      1

      2

      3

      4

      5

      6

      7

      8



      Download Zipped Set Here:

      Poem #5


      I fell in love with you

      It was like a dream come true


      You chased away my pain & sadness
      And replaced it with joy & happiness


      I want you to know my love is true
      I will forever and always cherish you


      We've shared many first times
      And we'll have many more to come


      Everytime I look into your eyes

      I see a love that never ends


      They shine like the stars in the moonlit sky
      Shine on me so beautiful and so bright


      They're like beams of light
      That light up my dark and lonely night


      I love everything you say and do
      Because who I love... is you


      I just want you to know I love you
      And nobody will ever love you like I do


      I don't care what people say
      Because I love you anyway


      M

      Your Mail


      I opened my Hotmail a few minutes ago, behind all the crappy advertisement mails and the ordinary ones i saw a special one, a mail from you
      I was afraid you would write me that you no more wanted to talk with me, that couldn't take the pain anymore and that you would go away forever but luckily it wasn't that bad
      You wrote me that you were sorry for all the pain , for the bad things and for everything you did wrong in your eyes, but that isn't true
      We can't help it that life is this bad on us now, that it wants to take away all happy things, that it makes us sick and is making us mad and crazy, questions like ''why now, why me and why us'' will never be answered
      It was sweet you wish that I get better and that I don't deserve this but sometimes I guess it maybe is supposed to be this way to come out of all the bad more strong and that you can appreciate the good things again, that the most simple thing like a baby laughing makes you happy again on the inside, but I know that I will never forget this period in my life and that it will make me a new person, a more wise person
      It is bad to inform you that not everything is going so well with me but I still hope for a better future for me and especially for you, because you are all I want in this life

      I miss the contact with you, I miss you more than you know...


      M

      Believing


      Praying, it’s something I’ve never done till today, I went to a church and I was praying for better times and praying for happiness for all people in the world knowing it will never happen

      Why should I pray for something that will never happen, would it just be for the good intentions of me or just for a little extra support to get better
      why is there so much violence, why is there so much pain, why can’t people let other people live the life they want to live without killing them, discriminating them or throw them into jail just because they are different, if there was a god, why would he/she/it let it happen, what faith lies beneath it?

      I want to believe in the good in men but all you see is the bad things, just turn on the TV and watch the news, it’s always ‘’man got killed here’’ and ‘’girl got raped there’’ and when you look to foreign new it’s not any different ‘’afghan pilot kills 9 Americans’’ why, why, why??

      So please god, I prayed for getting better again, but if that doesn’t happen, please make some other people better, let them live their life in happiness and good health, protect them from all that is bad and just give them a good life

      And when I’m not here I hope you will show the light to people that it is wrong to harm other people, that it is wrong to think that when you have a lot of money it is good to get people killed or assault people because they have things you don’t have, just spread love and happiness across the world and let differences be appreciated and diversity be embraced

      Just make people see that they aren’t living to die and then can go to a heaven or hell, why not make the earth a heaven of its own, sharing things we have, why is money more important than HIV vaccines in Africa, why is getting obese in America and Europe getting normal while people in Africa are dying of hunger, just make life good for everybody and everything, let everybody live a life that is wonderful to live…

      ‘’Improving the world begins with yourself’’

      M

      Dreams


      Dreaming of being good again and being with you in the future, that are the only things i want to dream about, just is bad my mind is seeing it differently, just making me see pain of life, pain of me and of other people..

      I lived my dream for a while, for just over a year I actually lived a dream, not knowing if you’re sleeping or not because it was so beautiful, I enjoyed every second of it, I loved every moment of we being able to be together

      Maybe not physical but still I received every message you wanted to send me, from telling that you loved me or just a little joke and I hope it are the things I will see again in the future

      I want to dream again about all the good things in life you have shown me, what it is to be loved so much that you can feel it all the time, that your heart actually can melt from far away, that you can feel your heart really warm and knowing always that there is someone that will be there for you always, that you can trust someone with your life and all your secrets and not needing to worry that you will tell them to someone else or make fun of it, that makes you smile every time he says a word, that he makes you feel beautiful just by saying that you have beautiful eyes and a pretty smile..

      I want to be happy in my life again and smile like I used to do when I was with you, but I know it isn’t possible in a short time, I first need sort out my life and need to face my problems before I can dream again of a good life

      Without you my life is cold and empty …

      M

      Nelly - Just a Dream

      Uh, uh, uh, hee


      I was thinking about her
      Thinking about me
      Thinkin' about us (us)
      What we gonna be
      Open my eyes, (yeah)
      And it was only just a dream
      So I travel back (uh)
      Down that road (road)
      Will she come back (uh)
      No one knows
      Then I realize (yeah)
      It was only just a dream


      I was at the top and now its like im in the basement
      Number one spot, now shes finding a replacement
      I swear now I can't take it
      Knowing somebody got my baby


      Now you aint around, baby I can't think
      I shoulda put it down, shoulda got that ring
      'Cause I can still feel it in the air
      See her pretty face, run my fingers through her hair


      My lover, my life
      My shawty, my wife
      She left me, I'm tight
      'Cause I knew that it just ain't right


      I was thinking about her
      Thinking about me
      Thinkin' about us (us)
      What we gonna be
      Open my eyes, (yeah)
      And it was only just a dream
      So I travel back (uh)
      Down that road (road)
      Will she come back (uh)
      No one knows
      Then I realize (yeah)
      It was only just a dream


      And I be ridin
      And I swear I see your face at every turn
      I try to get my usher on but I can't let it burn
      And I just hope that she notice she the only one I yearn for
      No more sooner will I learn
      Didn't give her all my love
      I guess now I got my payback
      Now I'm in the club thinking all about my baby
      Hey, she was so easy to love
      But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough
      I'm going through it everytime that I'm alone
      Now I'm wishing she would just pick up the phone
      But she made a decision that she wanted to move on
      'Cause I was wrong


      I was thinking about her
      Thinking about me
      Thinkin' about us (us)
      What we gonna be
      Open my eyes, (yeah)
      And it was only just a dream
      So I travel back (uh)
      Down that road (road)
      Will she come back (uh)
      No one knows
      Then I realize (yeah)
      It was only just a dream


      If you every loved somebody put your hands up
      If you every loved somebody put your hands up
      Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything


      So If you every loved somebody put your hands up
      If you every loved somebody put your hands up
      Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything


      I was thinking about her
      Thinking about me
      Thinkin' about us (us)
      What we gonna be
      Open my eyes, (yeah)
      And it was only just a dream
      So I travel back (uh)
      Down that road (road)
      Will she come back (uh)
      No one knows
      Then I realize (yeah)
      It was only just a dream


      I was thinking about her
      Thinking about me
      Thinkin' about us (us)
      What we gonna be
      Open my eyes, (yeah)
      And it was only just a dream
      So I travel back (uh)
      Down that road (road)
      Will she come back (uh)
      No one knows
      Then I realize (yeah)
      It was only just a dream

      Wondering


      It just passed 23:35 and I lay here awake in my bed and
      I wonder what you are doing now..
      Are you sleeping, are you eating, are you playing a game or maybe you're reading..?
      Maybe you're in your room, maybe you're outside or you're with friends, I don't know
      I hope you're thinking in me like I think in you, thinking in the times we were together so late at night and we talked till next morning about all things we liked but mainly about each other
      Saying so many times how much we wanted to be together and imagined and dreamed many stories together and sharing our thoughts on all kind of subjects
      We could talk all night and day for hours and hours and I loved every moment of it
      But now I don't know anymore what you are doing but there are so many things
      Maybe you're learning for new tests or you're make preparations to go to bed
      I just hope you are good, but as long as I don't know what you're doing...

      I wonder

      M

      Poem #4


      Remember


      Remember my smile

      Remember my eyes

      Remember my laugh

      Remember my voice

      Remember my bad grammer

      Remember my random thoughts

      Remember my love of music

      Remember my addiction to art

      Remember my love for you

      Forget whatever it was that made you leave


      Please

      Remember me



      M

      Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting

      Oceans apart day after day

      And I slowly go insane
      I hear your voice on the line
      But it doesn't stop the pain


      If I see you next to never
      How can we say forever


      Wherever you go, whatever you do
      I will be right here waiting for you


      Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
      I will be right here waiting for you


      I took for granted all the times
      That I thought would last somehow
      I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
      But I can't get near you now


      Oh can't you see it baby
      You've got me goin crazy


      Wherever you go, whatever you do
      I will be right here waiting for you
      Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
      I will be right here waiting for you


      I wonder how we can survive this romance
      But in the end if I'm with you I'll take the chance


      Oh can't you see it baby
      You've got me goin crazy


      Wherever you go, whatever you do
      I will be right here waiting for you
      Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks
      I will be right here waiting for you


      The Gallery - Green

      Hi Everyone,



      I wasn't going to post this photo from Sunday as I was flabbergasted that my arms are so fat. My flab was gasted. Why am I making jokes when it is not funny?

      Anyway I read the prompt for this week's Gallery last night and I was meant to post this last night.... bit late now and I don't use the internet for personal use whilst at work.

      This photo is from Easter Sunday where the 3 of us spent the afternoon in Alexandra Palace prior to the mandatory visit to the MIL.


      I had to post this, despite my reservations, as it is the greenest photo I have :-)

      Liska xxx

      You're The Only One

      Roxette - It Must Have Been Love

      Lay a whisper on my pillow


      Leave the winter on the ground
      I wake up lonely, is there a silence
      In the bedroom and all around


      Touch me now, I close my eyes

      And dream away...


      It must have been love, but it's over now
      It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
      It must have been love, but it's over now
      From the moment we touched till the time had run out


      Make believing we're together
      That I'm sheltered by your heart
      But in and outside I turn to water
      Like a teardrop in your palm


      And it's a hard winter's day

      I dream away...


      It must have been love, but it's over now
      It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
      It must have been love, but it's over now
      It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows


      It must have been love, but it's over now
      It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
      It must have been love, but it's over now
      From the moment we touched till the time had run out
       

      *Performed by Maria Mena*

      DHT - Listen To Your Heart

      I know there's something in the wake of your smile
      I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
      you've built a love but that love falls apart
      your little piece of heaven turns too dark


      listen to your heart
      when he's calling for you
      listen to your heart
      there's nothing else you can do
      I don't know where you're going
      and I don't know why
      but listen to your heart
      before you tell him goodbye


      sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
      the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
      they're swept away and nothing is what is seems
      the feeling of belonging to your dreams


      listen to your heart
      when he's calling for you
      listen to your heart
      there's nothing else you can do
      I don't know where you're going
      and I don't know why
      but listen to your heart
      before you tell him goodbye


      and there are voices
      that want to be heard
      so much to mention
      but you can't find the words
      the scent of magic
      the beauty that's been
      when love was wilder than the wind


      listen to your heart
      when he's calling for you
      listen to your heart
      there's nothing else you can do
      I don't know where you're going
      and I don't know why
      but listen to your heart
      before you tell him goodbye


      Listen to your heart....mm..mmm


      I don't know where you're going
      and I don't know why
      but listen to your heart
      before you tell him goodbye

      Poem #3


      I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart
      I am never without it,anywhere I go you go, my dear, and whatever is done
      by only me is your wellbeing my love
      I fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet love
      I want no world for beautiful, you are my world, my true love
      and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

      here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life, which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

      I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart, because it's just mine

      M

      Living




      Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”

      M

      Poem #2



      Lonely I, lonely love you,
      Lonely I, surrounded by nothing,
      Lonely I, pieced and waiting,
      Lonely I, cursed without you.

      Lonely I, sit and think,
      Lonely I, was before I met you,
      Lonely I, hopeless still love you,
      Lonely I, pain and nothing.

      Lonely I, in the darkness,
      Lonely I, with my tears,
      Lonely I, sorrow and hate,
      Lonely I, is this my fate?

      M

      Maria Mena - Miss You Love

      I've run out of complicated theories
      So now I'm taking back my words
      and I'm preparing for the breakdown
      Your t-shirt's lost its smell of you
      And the bathroom's still a mess
      Remind me why we decided this was for the best


      Because I miss you love

      I miss you love
      I miss you love
      I miss you

      Love..


      I know the distance is a factor
      But I stretch as often as I can
      My goal's to reach your hands any day now
      Please don't blame me for trying
      To fix this one last time
      I have a hard time as it is


      Because I miss you love

      I miss you love
      I miss you love
      I miss you love


      Don't act like you don't know me
      It's still me I never changed
      I'll be here when you come back


      And I miss you love

      I miss you love
      I miss you love
      I miss you love
      I miss you love
      I miss you love
      I miss you love
      I miss you

      love..
       

      Taylor Dayne - Tell It To My Heart

      I feel the night explode when we're together.
      Emotion overload in the heat of pleasure.
      Take me I'm yours into your arms.
      Never let me go.
      Tonight I really need to know.


      Tell it to my heart.
      Tell me I'm the only one.
      Is this really love or just a game?
      Tell it to my heart.
      I can feel my body rock every time you call my name.


      The passion's so complete. It's neverending.
      As long as I receive, the message you're sending.
      Body to body, soul to soul
      Always feel you near.
      So say the words I long to hear.


      Tell it to my heart.
      Tell me I'm the only one.
      Is this really love or just a game?
      Tell it to my heart.
      I can feel my body rock every time you call my name.


      Love, love on the run, breaking us down,
      Though we keep holding one.
      I don't want to lose, no I can't let you go.


      Tell it to my heart.
      Tell me I'm the only one.
      Is this really love or just a game?
      Tell it to my heart.
      I can feel my body rock every time you call my name.


      Tell it to my heart. Tell me from the start. Tell it to my heart.
      Tell it to my heart. Tell me from the start. Tell it to my heart.
      Never make it stop. Oh, take it to the heart.


      Tell it to my heart...

      (til fade)



      My heart


      My heart is very active lately and I don't know why, would it be because I can't give love to my true love anymore, would it be because I am nervous if I get better in the future or not
      I'll see my brother again today, in a place where he is locked like an animal with bad people around him, would I be nervous because I can't tell him that we miss him at home and that it is a bad thing that he is there but now am on my way to the doctor to talk about further treatments
      I wish it was more easy but it is the way it is, I'm so sick of life that I don't care if it ends or not
      But the more sick and tired I get, why does my heart keep beating more and more and gives a feeling like I'm in love?
      I just have a heart that wants to love someone but can't give it

      A strange heart

      M

      Love you like I do


      Nobody says the things the way I do
      He can say he loves you, not like I do
      He can say he needs you, I need you more
      He says he wants you, I want you more than anyone
      He says he cares for you, I care more for you than anyone else
      He says you are beautiful, not the same as I do
      Nobody makes you smile like I do
      Nobody treats you better than I do
      Nobody feels the same for you as I do
      Nobody wants you more than I do
      Nobody thinks the same about you as I do
      Nobody cares for you like I do
      Nobody makes you feel so beautiful like I do
      Nobody trusts more in you than I do
      Nobody knows you better than I do
      And most important...

      Nobody loves you like I do

      M

      Alone?


      What is alone since I met you?

      Before I met you I never felt a real connection with a girl, but when we first met I knew I wanted to have you and my heart was already starting to feel things when you said you loved me, you made me feel my heart warm always and having a little extra heart inside, your heart
      With every day I felt you more and more in my mind and heart, make my mind full of wonderful thoughts and my heart full of special feelings
      With every day passing the feeling became stronger and stronger and I was more happy every day, I can even say was the happiest time of my life
      But than problems started to occur and we couldn't stay together
      Now I need to miss you every day and it is extra hard, I can't change the feeling my heart tell me
      So with all the pain inside we had to go apart and needed to let go
      Now you said goodbye and let me
      I don't feel your heart in mine anymore but I know it's still there hidden inside...

      I think I'll never be alone again

      I Lost You

      When I lost you a few weeks ago I already saw it coming
      The pain you had inside, the times you cried, I couldn't stop it or make you feel better
      We both knew this was for the best because we couldn't live this way missing each other
      But now we aren't together anymore doesn't mean I don't feel the pain anymore
      I cried so much for you, more than you probably can imagine, i can honestly say this was the first time I had pain inside for the fact that I lost a person very dear to me
      I hope this was for the best, I hope you don't regret it and that time will heal your wounds
      I can't find nobody else that is so good for me as you were, I simply can't
      When the heart tells that you found the right person than there is nobody else you want to be close to
      I don't want to kiss anyone, I don't want to make love with any person besides you, if I didn't feel this way than I didn't had anymore pain inside
      I won't stop you from doing what you want, with who you want or what happens after, I just hope you will be happy later in life and that you find what you are searching in this life, I hope our ways will cross again but I am afraid they won't
      I truely hope you will be happy in the future

      I Love You..

      I Miss You Every Night

      Are You Lonesome Tonight?
      Do you miss me tonight?
      Are you sorry we drifted apart?
      Does your memory stray
      To a bright summer day
      When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
      Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
      Do you gaze at your doorstep
      And picture me there?
      Is your heart filled with pain,
      Shall I come back again?

      Tell me, dear, Are You Lonesome Tonight?

      I wonder if youre lonesome tonight

      You know someone said that the world's a stage
      And we each must play a part.
      Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweet heart.
      Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
      You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue
      Then came act 2, you seemed to change, you acted strange

      And why Ive never known.

      Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
      And I had no cause to doubt you.
      But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
      Than to go on living without you.
      Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there
      With emptiness all around
      And if you won't come back to me
      Then they can bring the curtain down.

      Is your heart filled with pain?
      Shall I come back again?

      Tell me, dear, Are You Lonesome Tonight?
       
       

      Poem #1




      You were a dream...


      A dream that filled my thoughts

      and my loneliest nights.



      You were the dream I held on to,

      the dream my heart longed to one day have.



      You were the dream that made me smile...

      an escape from my reality,

      a fantasy I longed to one day come true.



      Once only my dream, my escape, my fantasy,

      came true the day when I first saw you.



      My dream that used to be

      is now my reality.



      A fantasy waiting for its happy ending

      is now a fairytale come true.



      Once my only escape...

      is now the comfort that I live for.



      Together we have been through the heartaches...

      the pain of walking away or being left behind.



      Every new road we had to take

      because of the choices we had to make,

      only paved the road

      that brought us closer to one another.



      Life may not be easy,

      with all the burdens and drama

      that life hands to us,

      but when you find someone

      to share your life with,

      no drama is hard to handle...

      no burden is hard to bare.



      When you have someone...

      the one that you've dreamed of...

      then your life becomes the escape you both take

      to get away from the reality that surrounds.



      I know because...

      I found the love...

      my lifetime partner

      my soul mate

      in YOU!

      Lenny Kravitz - I'll Be Waiting

      He broke your heart
      He took your soul
      You're hurt inside
      Because there's a hole
      You need some time
      To be alone
      Then you will find
      What you always know


      I'm the one who really loves you baby
      I've been knocking at your door


      As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
      As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
      Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
      Whenever you need me, I'll be there


      I've seen you cry
      Into the night
      I feel your pain
      Can I make it right
      I realized there's no end inside
      Yet still I'll wait
      For you to see the light


      I'm the one who really loves you baby
      I can't take it anymore


      As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
      As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
      Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
      Whenever you need me, I'll be there


      You are my only I've ever known
      That makes me feel this way
      Couldn't on my own
      I want to be with you until we're old


      You have the love you need right in front of you
      Please come home


      As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
      As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
      Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
      Whenever you need me, I'll be there



      Listen to this when you are mad!!!


      Triax - Set Me Free


      What's it gonna be?!

      Kill me now or set me free!

      - This is the life we chose, the life we lead

      And there is only one guarantee: none of us will see Heaven

      - You can't fucking ignore me!



      Set me free



      What's it gonna be?!



      This is the life we chose, the life we lead

      And there is only one guarantee: none of us will see Heaven

      Trying to forget, we're falling right through

      Lying to forget, we're raising our truth



      None of us will see Heaven



      (I took a decision)



      Either kill me or set me free



      What's it gonna be?!

      Kill me now or set me free!

      You can't fucking ignore me!



      What's it gonna be?!

      Kill me now or set me free!

      This is the life we chose, the life we lead

      And there is only one guarantee: none of us will see Heaven

      - You can't fucking ignore me!



      Set me free



      Either kill me or set me free



      What's it gonna be?!

      Kill me now or set me free!



      You can't fucking ignore me!

      Blog

      Dear Followers/Readers

      This blog is made by me to tell you some things about my wonderful life
      I'm going to talk about things that happened to me in my life, things that were good and things that were bad
      I am going to spend some time with blogging things that happen with me at this moment because I am very sick and I am going to blog when I made progress in getting better or when I am getting weaker and weaker
      I will make some photos once in a while about how I look and how I am changing from sick to more sick or to healing more and more
      I will show some songs I like, will post some poems for a girl I love and am going to write my life's story in parts, they start from around 1.5 years ago and is ending in when I start writing in ''The Future''
      I too will post some links to beautiful love songs, too songs when you are angry or songs just for some dumb fun

      Thanks for reading my Blog :)

      Maria Men - Just Hold Me

      Sarah Connor - Living To Love You

      All we had was just one summer
      two lovers stroling in the park
      But like they say the world keeps turning
      as the leaves were falling we should fall apart

      Now I'm waiting for the winter, na na na
      To build my castle out of ice
      And deep inside this massive building
      There's a crystal lake of all the tears I cried

      Baby for all my life
      don't you know that it's true
      I'm living to love you
      So baby don't think twice
      If you feel what I feel
      Trust your heart and do what I do,
      'cause I'm living to love you
      hmmmm I'm living to love you

      When you're gone it's not forever
      'cause you`re remaining in my heart
      So tell me why I feel this aching
      Every time I think of you when we're apart

      Baby for all my life
      don't you know that it's true
      I'm living to love you
      So baby don't think twice
      If you feel what I feel
      Trust your heart do what I do,
      I'm living to love you ohhh yes

      I admit that from time to time
      I'm feeling insecure and think I'm gonna lose my mind
      Don't let it show, no
      oh no, no, no, no, no hmm
      I don't think I'll ever understand
      That our loving should never have a happy end
      So I'm really gonna try my best to let you know
      To let you know

      Baby for all my life
      don't you know that it's true
      I'm living to love you
      So baby don't think twice
      If you feel what I feel
      Trust your heart and do what I do

      When the final day comes
      I know the angels,
      they will see my smile
      And if they wanna know the reason
      I will tell them why

      Baby for all my life
      hoooo yes I'm living to love you

      Vote for Aaron




      Vote for Aaron in the Parenting photo competition.

      Liska x

      Listography - top 5 things I would change about my wedding

      Hi

      I can't participate in this meme as there is nothing I would change.  It was wonderful.

      So I am going to say the top 5 things I loved about my wedding instead :-)
      1. The Abbey was out of this world - same place where Pierce Brosnan got married.
      2. I loved the medieval theme - although it was just me, my Mum and the Bridesmaids who followed it.
      3. I LOVED my wedding car - Pierce Brosnan wanted it and couldn't get it! That's a true story :-)
      4. I loved the reception venue - it was spectacular.
      5. I love our photos and video and even more so, love looking at them, even all these years later.
      I really loved the atmosphere - it was so filled with smiles, love and laughter and everyone had such a good day. So many people stayed over in the hotel who had planned on going home.... they had such a good night they just needed to fall into the nearest bed ;-)

      Liska xx

      Baby Concentrating

      Hi

      Aaron was so funny this morning - I had to put You Tube videos on, on my laptop to keep him entertained while I packed all his bags to go out for the day.

      This was his concentrated face when he was watching Mr Tumble.  Sooooooo cute.


      We ended up having a lovely day.

      The husband surprised me by giving me TWO eggs and a box of chocolates - completely unexpected.


      Liska x

      Happy Easter


      Happy-Easter-small

      Wishing you and yours a safe and Happy Easter.