Bokeh Set 2


Bokeh Set 2 contains 5 assorted large Bokeh textures, hopefully they may be of some use.

Small examples of the textures in the zipped set posted below.





Download Zipped Set Here:

Poem #8

If I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow summer in a window,
If I touch near the fire at night, the black ash or the remains of a log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little too

If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, because I would have already forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.

But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.


MUMenTUM - Something's Clicked into Place


I don't know if it was my bear all approach in my Monday Mumentum post but something's clicked into place.

I finally have fire in my belly and a will to succeed. Nothing, nothing, nothing happens without those and I have them now.

It has really helped that the girls have upped the ante and written REALLY inspirational posts this week. There is something of interest in all of them.

It's now GAME ON.

But what I did yesterday, I did before I read their posts, because like I say, something has clicked.

Here's what happened:

I went to the shops yesterday, and I decided that even though I hadn't rung the Nutritionist yet, and even though I don't have a Revital near me, I would just ask my local Holland & Barrett what do they have that is good for Candida... and I am glad I did.

Here's a photo of my purchases:
Dida for the Candida, herbs for yogi tea and their magazine

Cardamon from Sainsbury's as Holland & Barrett didn't have that!

Also for the Candida! Also from Holland & Barrett! And tastes like strawberry milkshake!

In other news: Aaron's now at the "cupboard phase"

Say yum yum to the stir-fry - thanks @grumpinator for the top tip!

Aaron's gone "outside" with his walker and doing really well!

Even though I am only on the 2nd day of the Dida I can already feel a difference. Whereas normally I have to have coffee to feel better, I am already! starting to detox, because today a coffee made me feel awful and that is how I am when I am detoxing. Way to go I am well impressed!

And the ingredients sound marvelous! Love it!

As I used to be a Yoga Teacher I used to love Yogi Tea and as I am about to give up tea and coffee I thought I ought to start drinking it again and girls it is EASY to make:

10 ounces of water
3 whole cloves
4 whole green cardamon pods cracked
4 whole black peppercorns
1/2 stick of cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of black tea
1/2 cup milk
2 slices of fresh ginger-root (which is optional).

I double all of the above when I make it.

Bring the water to a boil and add the cloves, cardamon, peppercorns and cinnamon. Cover, and continue boiling for 10-15 minutes, then add the black tea. Let it sit for a minute or two. Add the milk and return to the boil. Strain and serve with honey to taste.

I typed up the above with my trusty book by my side from which it is sourced: The Golden Temple Vegetarian Cookbook.

I wanted to blog about the above because I made it yesterday (with the ingredients I purchased and photographed above) but wasn't going to bother, but as a few of the #Mumentum ladies have been discussing tea on Twitter I thought it my duty to share it with you all. :-)

Liska xxxx


I wish I could say that I didn't woke last time I wrote a post, that I was dead and gone but I'm not, the only thing that happined to me was a massive break down, that I was afraid of the future and that one day, a day that we all must face, a day we won't excist anymore, a day everybody waits for but never wants to reach, a day that what we are is lifeless and it scares and frightens me
I'm still not home, I just stopped in a little village because of the weather, I spend the last few days alone in a forest with a beautiful lake, the days were warm but the nights were cold, luckily I know how to make a fire or the nights would have been a lot less pleasent even tough I slept so bad because of the animals here at night, had to sleep with one eye open and make sure the fire would remain

But I should tell you how I am doing now and where I am at the moment, let me tell you how I am doing first, I'm doing quite welll actually, I see some symptomes from my illness going away and feel more ''healthy'' but I think that's because of the high altitudes here and because I am surrounded by nature instead of loud cars and bad air, here the air is just so clean and so restfull, just really pleasant and it is good for me

I still can't read the damn Russian so I can't tell you where I am, but fortunately my iPhone can locate me so it shows where I am.. I am in a place called Katyryk or something, it's in the middle of the woods and it has like 20 houses or something, I need to find civilization soon I think even tough I searched for abandonment but that time will be over soon, I was looking and needing a place to stay in my own solitude and now i've found it so I think I can go home in a few weeks

This solitude I was talking about is good for your inner soul, it gives me peace when there is no disturbance inside and no one to tell you that what you do is wrong or good for you, even tough I can tell you all that it isn't so easy to be alone and that you miss the communication with people and just seeing another face but it was my choice to go here, I miss home a lot and haven't spoken to my parents for more than 1.5 week now and I'm just dying to know how they are doing

But even tough after all this time I feel less empty with every day, a feeling that other things need to be done to fill all that is empty but even tough I am doing better I can't stop feeling that I miss something in my life and that it still hurts every day

I just miss you..


MUMenTUM - Monday Mum Tum

Hi All

First, I must say this Blog Hop is open to all Mums with a Mum Tum, on a mission.

Either, write a blog post about your Mum Tum mission and put a link to it in the linky below, OR, if you are reading and you have a Mum Tum but don't have a blog, then tell us your story in my comments section.  You don't have to have a blog. Perhaps you have a Twitter account though? Either way, join the Momentum crew.

Now, what's my story this week?

I have decided that I am a fraud.

I started this MomemTum thing a few weeks ago and have lost pounds ZERO since then.  I blogged about being in my size 16 jeans a few weeks ago, when the ones I have worn for the last couple of years have been size 18, well...... it must've been a "light" week, or a fluke, as today, the size 18s are TIGHT. I blogged on 8th May that I have been 95kg for the last couple of months, not my normal 88kg. Well I weighed myself yesterday and am firmly 95kg despite weeks of MomenTum - that's why I am most certainly a fraud!

I saw this post at Michelle Twin Mum's Mummy From The Heart blog and took a similar photo today, to show you just how bad it is.  I need to meditate on this photo and do something about it:
This is me - it is NOT a Google images photo, and the jeans are 18!!
That's another reason I am a fraud, as I left a comment on her post saying that I would do it for both of us, and I have done NADA.... In fact since I became more earnest, I have eaten worse and I mean alot worse.

I was slimmer last Summer when I had just had Aaron.  My Mum was here and I was buying loads of healthy food on and we were having extremely healthy lunches and dinners and now I just don't cook.

In fact while I am writing this I have just had a fresh cream slice (because they'll go off today) and a muffin for the same reason.  That'll be my lunch now. THAT is outrageous and I didn't even buy them.  The husband did. But because he has a sweet tooth! But if they are there, and I don't have time for lunch I will eat them.

BUT I am spending the time I could be making a healthy lunch writing this blog post.... which is just so ironic it is laughable.

I haven't done an online Tesco order in weeks, and that day we went to Tesco (that I blogged about) well most of the healthy stuff from that shop went in the bin unused.

I am just a disaster at the moment and really need to sort it out if I am to run this blog hop with any authenticity or attend Cybermummy looking half way decent.

Two weeks ago I blogged that I would cook every day in the coming week, I didn't...

Last week I blogged that I'd made a dish..... haven't cooked since then.

I have been grazing every day on RUBBISH.  And stress at work has seen me reaching for all the nasties and drinking too much coffee.

At the Nivea and Ubisoft event I was told to purchase a couple of things for my candida and I haven't even done that yet.

So I am shameful and don't even deserve to be in this group.

At this rate I'll be hiding instead of going to Cybermummy.

So I either sort it out or give up and I already know this week at work is not going to be any better....

So over to something positive.

At the Nivea Event I had a free consultation with Hilary Kingston from Think Nutrition

She said:
  • I need to give up sugar and coffee
  • My candida is back
  • My body won't take a loss of sugar very well so substitute with fruit.
  • Purchase a product from Revital that is for the adrenals (as she said I have extreme adrenal fatigue which is caused by too much "fight or flight")
  • I was supposed to text her for the name of the product and haven't yet!
  • Get onto a probiotic - also haven't done yet.
  • Order "Silver Shield" which gets rid of Candida - also haven't done yet.
  • All of this means I am retaining fat! I know!
  • All of this means I have bloating! I know!
  • All of this means I have brain fog! I know!
So I need to do the things she told me to.

When I had Candida and severe IBS in the year 2000 I gave up ALL SUGAR in February 2001 and by June 2001 I had lost 3 stone and looked fabulous! I went from a size 16 to a size 12 and I know how to do it and I know I could do it again.

WHAT is stopping me? Is there emotional baggage stored in my fat cells that I want to hold on to? I would not be surprised........

Is it a self esteem thing? WHAT is it?
I used to be a Yoga Teacher for goodness sake.

Anyway I have ranted and self obsessed enough.

So over to you lovely ladies to tell us your story.

Lots of love from the fat one.

Liska xxxxxxxx

This is a blog hop.  You can enter your link AND grab the code:

Frock it with This Mid 30s Life



I am a walking fashion disaster so what do I know...... but I was watching the news during the Obama state visit and Michelle walked across my screen and I was like WTF????

She normally looks ggggooooooooooood, but not this day, not in my humble opinion......

I am no Gok Wan, but I think this dress:
  1. Looks like she is bandaged.
  2. Accentuates her broad shoulders to the point where it's brought them to my attention... never knew about them before.
  3. Has far too much fabric going on....
  4. Is not flattering.
  5. Is just wrong, all wrong!!!
Bye for now.....
Click on the Frock It icon above and you'll get to see how good the Queen looked in Ireland.....

Liska xxx

    Silent Sunday

    Silent Sunday


    HMD, originally uploaded by SkeletalMess.

    Via Flickr:
    Just wanna wish everyone a safe and happy Memorial's Day, well all those who observe it, for all others, have a wonderful weekend.

    Peace .............always!

    Toning from the Feet Up


    This post is being written for the blog hop over at Would Like to be A Yummy Mummy - it is the first week of her first blog hop.

    I have let myself go of late, so I am definitely NOT a yummy mummy......

    But I have got my footwear right and thankfully I do get some toning benefits from them.  They are also incredibly comfortable. They lengthen my hamstrings.  Activate the muscles in my butt and rear thighs.  They reduce ground force reaction. They reduce joint loading. And most importantly if I am on my feet all day, I still feel good at the end of the day, and they increase my calorie consumption. They are good for my knees, hips and back and they give me a spring in my step.

    They have a sensor on the heel which reduces the impact of the heel strike when walking.

    All in all I have been wearing them for 5 years and this is my current favourite:


    Baby: Living in a Flat


    How about you live in a flat, and you are having a baby, for the first time...

    Do you run and decorate the nursery?  Not necessarily, and not if you are me.

    Our 2nd bedroom is a study and is full of 2 bookshelves, sofabed, desk, computer etc... etc...

    And we knew baby would be in a bedside cot with us for 6 months anyway, so what did we do?
    I asked hubby if we could decorate our bedroom instead because it had always been the only room in our flat that I hated - I hated the decor we'd inherited from the previous owners.

    This picture shows the "gutted" room on 13th May 2010 (and Aaron was due on 7th June 2010 although he was later than that)... As you can see the new curtain pole is up, the feature and other walls have been painted etc.... Next comes new carpet, new bed and new wardrobe.

    Our new (Ikea) wardrobe.... (It's a beast).  Hated the old ones.
    Bedside cot and new bedlinen to go with new decor.

    All this decorating and purchasing of new curtains and new bedlinen actually happened last Summer. We did it just before Aaron was born, so it was probably some time round about now as Aaron will be ONE in a couple of weeks.  Maybe that's why I am feeling nostalgic...

    So we decluttered which saw me give EIGHT Ikea bags of clothes to the charity shop - THAT charity shop did very very well as there was a lot of Monsoon clothes in there to name but a few...

    I had my heart set on an Ikea wardrobe with sliding doors (pictured above), where you design the inside yourself.

    It has enabled us to accommodate all of Aaron's stuff in our wardrobes.

    They say Barack's car is a Beast, well this wardrobe is a Beast. We are talking like 3 metres wide (half mine half hubby's) and I can't remember the height but it's floor to ceiling.  It's like having a fitted wardrobe.

    Anyway I am giving you a sneeky peek into my home now, but the bloody thing is so big I couldn't even stand back enough to get the whole thing in:

    Daddy's side on the left with fabric shelves hanging for Aaron's stuff

    Vests are on top, then next shelf is PJs, then jeans, then bibs which he no longer uses, then muslins which he no longer uses and finally a shelf of bedding.  Above all of this is a wardrobe shelf and below is a wardrobe drawer (neither of those have Aaron's things in).  I told it... it's a tall wardrobe.

    Aaron has his own rail below mine. Excuse the mess!

    Dad's side's on the left behind the sliding doors.

    Close up of Aaron's rail which also shows the built in drawers...

    The only mistake we've made is that because all of this works so well, we never did get round to clearing the second room to do as a nursery. When we did our room, we thought we've got SIX long months to do Aaron's room. Needless to say those 6 months flew and as a result Aaron is still in a bedside cot (although half the night he is in with us) and the second bedroom IS STILL a study........!

    Oh dear, he'll probably still be with us when he goes to University - joking!!!!

    Liska xxx

    Baby salutes the US President as he flies into the UK today - Barack Obama

    Barack Obama flew into the UK today for a 3 day state visit and Aaron made sure he looked up and saluted him as he flew over:

    He said the UK-US partnership is "an essential relationship for us and for the world".

    The president flew into Stansted airport ahead of schedule in order to avoid the possibility of disruption from the ash cloud from an erupting Icelandic volcano.

    He was due to fly from Ireland on board Air Force One tomorrow morning to be greeted at the Essex airport by the Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall.  However, due to the possibility of air traffic problems, the decision was taken to bring forward the flight.

    This was only the third UK visit by a US president in 100 years.

    Barack had a good time in Ireland drinking Guinness, looking for the missing apostrophe and catching up with his relatives in Moneygall :-)  Click here to see him drinking a pint of the black stuff...

    Grab Bag Texture Set

    Grab Bag Texture Set contains nine large textures of various colors and sizes.  Have fun.

    Smaller examples of textures in zipped set shown below:










    Download Zipped Set Here:

    Cybermummy 2011 Sponsor - Talk Talk sponsors New Mum Online

    I am proud, delighted and excited to announce that my sponsor for Cybermummy is Talk Talk.

    How appropriate when it is my Talk Talk broadband connection that keeps me online... and supports me in all that I do online.  Due to my blog addiction I spend a considerable amount of time on the laptop.

    It has always been my wish that my sponsor would be relevant and be a product that I use everyday...... well this is a product that I use every minute of every day :-) and yes I like to talk talk myself :-) having been a bit of a chatterbox all my life.

    I actually joined Talk Talk standing in Tesco one day, and left Virgin Media to do so.  I find the broadband connection with Talk Talk much faster than what we had before.  The move also brought down my phone bill.

    At the recent Blogcamp event I found out about Talk Talk's latest product: Homesafe, which they've literally just launched.  It is revolutionary, and nobody else is doing it.  I will do a dedicated post about it but for now leave you with this link to watch a demo.

    Parents with school age children will LOVE the homework setting where you can limit internet access (turn off social media) when children are supposed to be using the internet for homework research purposes.

    Liska x

    MOMenTUM - Monday Mum Tum

    Hi All,

    Anyone is allowed to join us.  All you need is a blog and a Mum Tum, and you can jump on our bandwagon.  Please write a post in keeping with the theme: losing your Mum Tum, and link to it below.

    So ladies this week it's over to you.  I am not setting a theme or any questions.  So invent your own subject.... mine is:

    What's your problem?

    So I took the photos below today in readiness for this post...... as my main problem is that in weeks I have not cooked.... I graze on nibblies instead and hence the pounds have piled on.  I said last week that I would cook every day this past week - I didn't....... I know...... I failed, but the first step in progress is admitting you failed right?

    I use Aaron as an excuse not to cook...... to be fair now he's mobile it is harder.....

    But tonight I cooked and that is what I need to do if I am going to shift this weight.

    In December I was lighter and slimmer than I am now, as I spent the whole Summer last year cooking.  My Mum was here for 9 weeks when Aaron was born, so I used to make healthy dinners for us all.

    Everytime I go to Working London Mummy's blog I feel terrible, as I know this is one of my biggest issues currently and she excels in that area.  I promise to do one of her recipes one of these days......

    Anyway today I made a meal and luckily hubby was able to eat it before going on a night shift, so it's nice to know he has gone off with a full tum :-)

    I didn't make diet food, I made what we happened to have in:

    Dolmio sauce with fried fresh onion and fresh tomatoes

    Basmati done in a skillet which tastes like a rice cooker.

    Fragrant fluffy rice - delicious! Turned bowls onto plate for the presentation effect!

    The stew and rice and 2 steak burgers and stuffed vine leaves.

    So, at the Nivea and Xbox event I found out that my candida is back, and the lady I saw there, recommended that I give up coffee and sugar.  I will try and make an effort with that this week.  I know that's urgent as she said I have high blood sugar and to be honest I don't feel myself.

    But at least I have broken the "no cooking" thing I had inflicted on myself....... that's progress.

    Over to you...

    One Little Wish

    There are so many things on my mind right now and I'm feeling I need to tell it to you, I wanted to call you but I didn't want a mad you on the phone thinking I want to say bad things so it is better I do it this way, I want to wish you a happy birthday in June and I wish I didn't made you say goodbye the way you did but it is my own fault and I don't blame you when you don't read this post
    I'm sitting here now in a chair in my room of solitude, looking outside where the sky is getting dark, the sun is losing it's warmth and glow, something is coming for me, it's knocking on my door coming to get me, crows are knocking on the windows but they'll have to wait, I will open the window when I told you all you need to know

    My life isn't made of roses and sunshine, I've lost too many people already in my short life, happiness just isn't made for me, at least no lasting happiness, when I met you I became really happy and I loved you since the first moment we met and I was really happy that you loved me too so I am more weak now without your love and strength, my heart still doesn't believe it so it died more every day till today
    I slept bad last night like usual, I don't get what I need and I just have so much pain, I wake every ten minutes because of pain in my back, pain in my chest or because I am too warm
    I'm not looking proudly back on my life, I'm not a role model or a good person, and I've said many things that made you become a stranger from me, I wish I've never said it

    I'm happy for the time I had you and that I had some first times with you, somethings I will never do again even if I had the time, but I miss something, I miss just 1 day with you, waking on a little island in the ocean with you in my arms, in the morning we can cuddle and kiss and make a breakfast together with many kinds of fruit
    In the afternoon we can swim or just laying on the sand enjoying the sun, getting some watermelon for you and kiss and in the night we can look in the sky to all the stars and feeling us so small in everything that exists, we can slowly see the moon rise and than we can go asleep, just 1 last kiss before I wake here and you wake there ....

    But if I could make one little wish, I wish you all happiness in the world, I wish that in 10 years from now you come home and little tan children run to you screaming "mama" because they missed you and I wish you a good man, a good father and someone that understands you, he brings you flowers just because he loves you and he gives you kisses because you like them, I wanted to be that guy but that won't happen
    I admit it that it is hard to live without your love and that you see me as an enemy but it is something I have to live with for the few times I have left
    One day you say you can't live without me and the other you say goodbye but it was my own fault
    Now I'm in this place, a place where I didn't expect to die, a place that has never seen me, a place that doesn't know my name

    I think I'm ready for it now, I've seen enough things to fill a long life with, I've seen death and birth, I've been a hero and a loser, I've been so sad and so happy, I've seen too many bad things and lost all good things so this nightmare don't have to continue anymore, I've got peace with it, I won't tell you what to do, not to think in what I've said or to remember my love, I don't want to make you mad so this is it
    I will unlock the doors in some minutes but not before I make a little note for my parents and how much I wish them a better life, that my brother comes home again and that he will learn from his mistakes, yes I've even told you back home that they came for him, so much I trusted you

    I've bought Avatar today, I will submerge myself into dreams once more, dream of that we wanted to be them but there is one major difference, they started as enemies and ended as lovers
    Here in my own solitude I stay, I open the window so the crows can come in, open the door so the darkness can surround me, this was all you needed to know, you don't need to know things again I've said a million times before

    I hope the after life will be better than this one, and there I will be alone too, nobody was made for me and I miss it but need to live with it
    After the movie I will fall asleep forever, and I will miss somethings in life, but there is nobody to blame for but myself
    Take good care of yourself and don't think in me anymore

    I Love You