A Place Just For Me And....?


No sleep for me tonight I think, it is too damn cold and the news says it will be even worse so I think I will have a cold and lonely night ahead again, I'm starting to feel kind off sicker than usual, fainted today and having the feeling that I need to puke, but that is not the worst, today I feel a little like life is really not fair on me and that I do so much for everyone, I help them, I try to be the best person I can and it just isn't fair if you'd ask me, why do all the assholes get the best things, they hit their girlfriends and still they don't go away from him, I just try to be sweet and kind to every person I meet, not just You, but still everyone tells me to get lost.

Nobody that loves and cares so much as I do for someone should be alone and feel miserable, nobody should have go through the hell of being far away from the person you love with all your heart and soul, but life isn't easy for everybody, some people just have a life full of luck and some others, their lives end already within a day, just imagine how lucky you are that you are alive and healthy, have loving parent, at least I hope you aren't in the same position as I am today.

I think it never was too much to ask just for a sweet and caring girlfriend and it is exactly what I've had for a while, but we couldn't stay together and that is just what life is for me, but I never thought that I deserved to get sick or get homeless, so now I am hoping and praying for something new for me.

I pray and wish a place for me and..me, a place so divine that even god would be jealous at it.

I want it to be somewhere where no one can find me, that is the best anyway, and I want it to be far away from where I am now, where it is 30 Celsius every day and where the beach is so white and the water so clear, just a little heaven on earth.
I want the island to have palm trees with coconuts, I want grass where I can lay on and feel free, I want the water to be warm where I can swim all day, swim with the dolphins or just cool off, I just want to feel happy again and forget where I am and what I am feeling now and stop believing in a good future, I want to let it all go and just be there alone, in the middle of the ocean, no one around, no one to hurt, just a place where I should be now and always, locked in my own prison in a little piece of heaven, it's not what I wanted in the past but I want it now even tough it will always remain a wish.

I was dreaming last night about this little place and where I was with you, just like we wanted, but I see that it is not the point, I can't always, no, never have what I want so I thought it was no use telling that I preferred have you with me on the island, have you near me all the time and that we just had fun all day and looked at the stars every night and holding each other tight when the sun went down and we kissed, it is nice to dream about it but it always stings a little inside when you wake and there is no one there but a pigeon looking for food.

I have to go now, supermarkets close at 18:00 and I haven't had anything to eat so far, I will try to make some photos tomorrow to show the city a little and I hope you had a good day today.

M