Alone Again..

 
I traveled a lot of distance today and I couldn't take it anymore, my legs hurt so much and I haven't slept for more than a week and it really hurts, my eyes hurt, my heart hurts, I am just filled with pain so I decided to take the train and within 3 hours I was back in my home village
Everything still looks the same, the neighbors look surprised to see me but no one approached me, I just went straight to the door and there was my mother.. she didn't expect me at all and at first she seemed very happy to see me but after a while the mood changed and she said that I had to leave again.

''I hope you will have a good place to spend the night'' that were the last words my mother said to me when she told me I couldn't stay at home anymore and she has many reasons not to let me in home anymore, I was away when my father had surgery, twice, I didn't even knew that :( and she can't forgive me the fact that I went away and haven't been in touch for such a long time and not sending photos or answering my phone, I wish I could but I didn't had reception everywhere, damn there are so many reasons why I couldn't call but none of them works when a mother misses their child and I've been stupid that I didn't call her often enough

Before I went away I had to ask myself if all the beautiful things in the world, breathtaking nights and all kind of other new things way up to your own family, in my case.. No.
Love your family even tough they aren't perfect, love them with all your heart because someday tyou can use their help so much, don't get yourself into the same problems as me for any reason, I admit that being away was good and changed me but nothing and nobody can change your family, just you can

Ik hou van jullie en ik ga jullie missen, meer dan jullie weten :'(

If I already know what I will do next.. not really.. university starts in a few weeks so I have a little time left to find a place there, get my finances right and make sure I have all the things I need for a good study environment, it's just not the same anymore as my parents won't visit me and I need to do all things alone
I just need a better life so I need to change but I just need a little help to do it, even tough I don't deserve it

I Need To Do It Alone

I wish my life could be a bit more like this, I still wish it will be with You

M