Lost At Sea

A healer got rid of my post natal depression a couple of months ago - it really worked!

So I no longer cry at the drop of a hat and I no longer carry a suitcase of issues around with me, and I no longer sleepwalk through life.

BUT I am still lost.  I really am.  A part of me is like a ragdoll that needs washing, drying, and then perhaps a cuddle for good measure.

I really knew this was how I felt due to my holiday in Ireland that I have only just got back from today.  I seemed to need love and affection from my Mum, like my inner child needed a boost.

But also, LATE last night when I should have been sleeping I was reading this, and I related, a little TOO much!

The very very last paragraph made me cry.  The reason for that is CLEAR but I do not want to go into it on this blog.

But what I do know, is that after being on holiday with my baby for TEN days I deserve better than to come home to no milk in the fridge, and bread that looks like THIS (NOT a stock photo - sadly, a photo taken today by yours truly):

The bread that was already in before we left! Lovely!
I think, in fact I know, I deserve better!

Having read that blog post last night, I now know I need to resurface.  Clearing the PND was the beginning not the end.  Now I have the foundations for a new me, but I am only a shell of who and what I was. But it could be exciting.  It could be the chance to put a new body on an old frame!

Having been made redundant on 5th July (2 days before I went to Ireland) I can honestly say, that yes, it means the work me has come to an end, so it adds to my "lost" feeling, but it also adds to the possibility of me building a whole new identity where I seek validation outside of that which my career offers.

I had always used work as the primary source of my boosts, when really they should be supplementary to what I have to offer me.

I spent years working long hours, hiding from the real me, other than when I got a glimpse at yoga retreats and when teaching yoga.

So now my journey begins.

What do I like?
Who do I like?
Where do I go from here?
How will I motivate myself?
Where will I focus my efforts?
How will I rebuild and recharge?

Anyhow, back to that blog post I linked to above.  If you hopped over and have now hopped back, don't you think it is kick-ass writing?

I always knew I wanted to read a few American mummy blogs but this isn't even an old one.  It is only 10 months old and yet already one of the top ones, according to this.

Anyhow, I am going to be widening the realm of the blogs I read.  I need inspiration.

Bye for now,
Liska x