It's funny, when we are young, if we know something, we act on it, but nearly 40 years of LIFE, seems to create blocks, and "issues" that prevent us moving forward and creates ways that we self-sabotage.
Quite simply I don't practice what I preach.
This has been my pattern for as long as I can remember, and it even goes right back to my teens.
I was a good cross country runner, but because I never fully committed to it, anyone who I introduced to it, quickly overtook me (even if they were unfit to begin with) and started finishing races earlier than me. This was even though I am a straight A, like to succeed, type person. My heart clearly wasn't fully in it.
Then roll forward a decade or two, and I trained in Kundalini Yoga. Same pattern again. I have never even done sadhana at home, always preferring to do it with a group (which to be fair is the best way to do it, but not if the alternative is not doing it at all). My excuse used to be I can't get up that early, BUT, a few years ago I ran a yoga retreat in Ireland. I even did leaflets, booked a residential venue etc.... and I decided I wanted to do sadhana every day for 40 days in the run up to it. For the 1st few days of that period I woke up at 3/4 or 5 a.m. everyday, and I used to literally hide under the duvet and force myself back to sleep even if it took an hour. It was like I knew that if I committed to it, fully, my spirit would soar and what then. Yes, simply, I was scared of my own success. Sounds bonkers, and it is not an affliction that people at the top suffer from, but I'd say 80% of us do. We are actually scared to succeed.
Anyway, what has made me uncover this aspect of myself is the fact that I want to get fit and healthy before I am 40 years of age and I KNOW that the quickest way to do it is to become ALKALINE.
I lost 3 stone in 2001, and it only took me from February to June. I had planned to do the same this year, and yet I did not.
I self sabotage, and I am FED UP OF IT.
I have a great idea for a website, and all I have done is bought the domain. I haven't moved forward with it.
Yesterday I realised that my days need structure so I wrote a full page of A4 - a to-do list.
Today I have looked at it to see which items need to be carried forward to today.
At first I was REALLY impressed with myself as there are EIGHT TICKS.
But then I looked more closely. There are THREE items that are not ticked and they are the 3 items that would propel me forward in life.
They remained undone yesterday. Again, self-sabotage.
Can I maybe do them today? Let's see.
I would LOVE to do a load of Vlogging about getting fit and healthy but I would have to make a start first.
I would love a partner on this, in the form of a company, but sadly Britmums did look for partners for Weight Watchers, but they only wanted people with iphones and I have a Samsung. I asked if they have an android version of the app, but it is coming in a few months.
Anyway, let's see where this journey takes me.
This is my second day in a row of a bit of a rambling post.
This blog is going to become my outlet I think.
I need to purge all the waffle in my head and find a way of moving forward.
I want to be an example to Aaron. Not some stuck in a rut person.
I want to be the change I want to see in the world.
I want to finally for the 1st time in my life CLEAR MY CLUTTER - that in itself would be life changing.
If I could clear the clutter in my flat, and the clutter on my body (pounds and inches) I reckon I'd be invincible. You know there are "life coach" type people who have done exactly that, but I never aspire to be like them as they always seem so smug.
But maybe, just maybe, I could do with a little smug right now. It would be a great alternative to how I am feeling.
Until next time.