Had Enough

Lots has happened in the last two years that I have not blogged about.

Don't know whether that was because I wanted to keep this a twee baby blog or because I had some misplaced loyalty to my husband.

Well I am not staying silent anymore as my Denis The Menace post shows, although I can already fell I won't tell all on here...

Yesterday wasn't even as bad as it gets but for some reason I was livid and it's compelled me to want to write...

The husband's way of avoiding us is to stay up till 3 or 4 or 5 at the TV on computer and then spend half the day in bed (if it is his day off).  That's what he did yesterday and that's what he's on schedule to do today.  Last Saturday he did not get up till 2 o'clock so I was so annoyed me and Aaron went off to Uncle Andy's house.  That wasn't our intention when we left, we actually went to "town" to get bubbles, but we ended up there.

I digress; back to yesterday.

Aaron and I got up at 08:30 (as we have today), and I heard the husband going to the loo at 09:30 so I thought: great he is up.  10 minutes later he was still up, good sign.  Half an hour later I looked around the flat, finally ending up in the bedroom and I couldn't believe he'd ended up back in bed.

I said to him "I thought you were up" to which he said "I was, but I felt hazy".

He then said:

"What are you guys doing today?"

Now this made me very very cross as he has 5 days off and should be spending some of them with us, but it is typical of the way our lives are/have been!

He knows we need to go and get all the things to toilet train Aaron and yet the last 3 times he's had days off we have not gone (he drives I don't).

Out of desperation I said we need to get a birthday present for "Ixxxx". (Her birthday party is today 6th October).

His answer: "What's that got to do with me?"
To which I said "she's your niece!"

Now for anyone who regularly reads this blog, you will know I don't consider MY nieces and nephews to be HIS, (I spent the whole 6 weeks school holidays taking them here there and everywhere) despite what the family tree may say.  So uttering those words BROKE my heart.

His answer: "If she's my niece why are you going to the birthday party?"
Aaron was standing next to me so I pointed at him and said "because she is his cousin".

We then went on to have a full blown row.  I can't remember what was said, but it included me saying he should get up and be a Dad, me saying I'd get more help if he was a paying lodger.  Me again mentioning his late night with him justifying it that he'd spent Thursday night having a late night at his sisters watching DVDs which had been planned in advance.  He didn't realise that I knew that when he got in, he made the late night much later by staying in the sitting room watching TV.

He said he is entitled to do that, but I again said, "no, not if you intend to be up in the morning to spend some time with your son".

The conversation included me saying of course it is okay that he had a DVD night with his Sister.

Now EVERYTIME I query his staying in bed half the day he says I only want him to get up to take over, but no, I just feel parenting should be a dual thing and 90% of the time I feel like a single parent (but without the perks) and WITH all of the hassle.  Anyway, this particular time he did not say that.

Oh when the argument got heated he would normally stomp off to the spare room and close the door (of his cave!)  But as he was in bed, he could not.  So he tried raising his voice but that did not work.  In desperation he did his age old trick of saying "shut up, shut up" (which sadly until 2 months ago Aaron used to imitate - it's heart breaking to hear an adorable 2 year old say "shut up").  When nothing worked to take me off the scent, he then pulled the duvet back and sat up straight in a very brisk intimidating way, that literally had me jump back two feet.  Now because I was in a good, assertive and confident mood, I know I did that out of instinct, so I know I felt and saw what I did, but when I then commented on it, he said I was being the victim and that there was nothing special about the way he pulled the duvet back and sat up.  That is a bare faced lie.  I have been with him 24 years, I know his behaviour better than he does AND my gut instinct is strong.  He then said that is what I do, I ramp things up to that pitch and then play the victim.

Now this makes me cross as every discussion results in him saying things like that - we NEVER have NORMAL adult discussions.  It is impossible for us...

A while later he comes into the sitting room to me and Aaron and says he is very cross.  I think: great maybe we'll make progress.  But no, he is only cross because he has heard movement downstairs and realised that the flat downstairs have heard everything.

Oh he then goes on to say, decide whether you want Aaron a.m. or p.m. and I will spend the other half day with him.  Now he's never suggested anything like that before so my points about he being a Dad must have reached home.

I then said no I am going to Siobhan's. He said "Be back by 5 p.m".  As it was about 12:30 midday at this point I said "No" (I would be going there by public transport).  He then said 6 and again I said no.

So I then said YOU are getting Isxxx's birthday present, to which he said "And YOU are getting a taxi home".

As he left the room I said I was planning to get public transport there and back, so you are not taking anything away from me.

Even then he wanted the last word, so he said "well get train, bus, or whatever arrangements you see fit".

After that crazy conversation (which had incidentally included me asking if we could go to get the present as a family which he refused), I then asked if he would play with Aaron while I packed the bags to go out and washed Aaron's bottles.

Aaron wanted to do NOTHING indoors so the two of them went outside.

When they got back in, he said I had taken too long.  My God this was the only time he was going to spend with his son all day and yet he said it was too long, and that's even though they had fun.  Sorry but that is not right.

When I said I could feel your vibes when I was washing up and I could feel I was taking too long, he said "Why what were you doing? That must be guilt!"

To which I said, "I did not leave the kitchen sink the whole time you were outside,  I did not put on makeup I did not go on the computer, nothing!"
Guilt???? How dare he!!!

And this even though he knows we're going out and he'll have day to himself...  And he did.  We did not get back till 10 p.m.