Emotional Wreck or just Over Sensitive

Normally Aaron and I walk to and from nursery, but the temperatures yesterday and today have really DROPPED and the frost is unreal.  I have lived here for 11 years and never seen this before frozen spider webs:

Our deck chair that has remained in the garden since summer

our wheelie bin



So despite getting up at 7 a.m. and Aaron and I being ready and dressed by 8:30 a.m. we waited till after 09:00 for Daddy to be ready so he could drive us to nursery.

It's a 13 minute walk but at toddler speed it can sometimes take an hour and we would have got TOO cold.

After we dropped Aaron off at 09:30 (1.5 hours late) the husband was giving me a lift home, to the door, and he'd go on to a mechanics.

As we passed the place where I always buy coffee on my way back from nursery, I said "can you lend me £2 to get a coffee?".  The husband got out of the car (you know men they need to be standing to access their pockets) and handed me a £2 coin (the price of the coffee).  Then he thought better of it and handed me a further £1 (oooh I was excited that meant I could get a muffin too).

So given that I went to and from nursery by car yesterday, and missed out on my coffee ritual, I approached my coffee seller with a spring in my step.

I said very cheerfully "I could have stayed in a warm car all the way home, but got out here, so that I could get my coffee".

He just looked at me, laughed his head off and said "only because it is your free one" (after 5 purchases we get a free one, loyalty card style, except he maintains the loyalty cards on a notice board for his regulars).

I felt emotionally punched and doubled over (internally) - crying even as I type this.

I held up my £2 coin and my £1 coin (in a really childlike way) and said "but I have these" "the husband just got out of the car in the cold to give them to me".

To which he said something similar again.

Then when he could see I was hurt, he said he was only joking and that he was laughing as he said it to which I said "but that is what you really think".

So I started crying, couldn't help it, and by this stage the coffee was on the counter, so I grabbed it, grabbed a muffin, put the £3 on the counter and through tears I said "I don't want a free one" and walked off as fast as my legs could carry me.

The way I mumbled it through a sob, sounded just like Aaron does when he tries to talk whilst crying but I just couldn't help it.

It's a 10 minute walk from there.

By the time I got home, even holding a warm coffee, my fingers were frozen; yes it is THAT cold.  (I could understand if it was 6 or 7 a.m. but we're talking 09:30 here).

Anyway, when I got in, I could not for the life of me understand why it upset me so much.  And no, it is NOT my time of the month.

But I think it was the fact that I wanted to refuse a lift home to my door in the cold, so as to maintain my daily coffee ritual.  The fact that my husband didn't hesitate in getting out of the car to give me £2 which he increased to £3.  The fact that he didn't even question my expensive coffee habit given my out of work status, and yet then, I got THAT from my coffee seller despite me going to him every day for I don't know how many YEARS.

It is not my time of the month, but there ARE serious astrological things going on today.  Have you noticed? It is 12/12/12 and we will have 12:12 12/12/12 this afternoon.

Anyway, I STILL haven't picked up the yoga, but I think I have to before I go completely under.

I am losing it here.

Liska xxx